Noah and his Ark
by Diraven on Jun.16, 2011, under Bitch and Moan
I have always found this story in the Bible (and in other ancient texts) to be one of the silliest. Basically we have a pissed off God telling Noah to build a big boat to stuff a bunch of animals into to safe from a flood. And as a reward, Noah and his family get to go along for the ride as well.
So Noah builds a huge Ark out of wood, blood, sweat and tears. Stuffs it full of animals and family members and then sits on it for a year while God has his way with the Earth.
Mmmk!
So….
I guess God made the animals less hungry and willing to eat each other. Therefore none had to poop so no one had to clean up tons of animal dung off the Ark. Oh and luckily God ‘protected’ that Ark from all the flood related nastiness for over a year. How awesome is that? Talk about a miracle.
I mean, sure, God created man, the heavens and the Earth. All beast there within. So he could have just as easily wiped out the Earth and just made more, but no that would be too easy. No God wanted a boat. And a boat he got.
So a year passes and finally the land is dry and all of the animals disembark. But to what? Barren land that has been flooded all to hell? Have you guys ever seen footage of an area after a flood? Its not pretty. I guess eventually the Earth gets covered in bugs and plants again and all the animals scatter.
However, what about Noah and his family? I mean if they are family who’s making all those babies to repopulate the Earth? Leviticus 18:6 seems to frown upon that whole incest thing. Leviticus makes quite a few very specific statements about all that.
Besides, we all know if you mate with your direct family bad things can happen. Not so sure how we all are still here tbh.
So here we are. Animals all over the place. Mankind is quite diverse and yeah we do seem to want to hate one another like we were all siblings.
The more educated of the preachers I have spoken to have said not to get all caught up in the literal of the story. The story is meant to deliver a moral message to Gods people. To let the people know that God is watching. God loves us however if we do not return that love God gets upset.
Um yeah, so I was thinking. Next time my lil girl angers me for not obeying my constant orders to stop playing in the kitchen I should just flood the house. One thing I can learn from all of this is that God is single. I mean seriously. If God had shared in the creation of the universe, his ol lady would not be all that happy in how he has been handling things.
God floods the Earth, Mrs God comes home from a shopping trip and see’s God all wet, dripping on the heavenly carpets Mrs God so pain stakenly picket out. God tell his wife “Oh sorry hun, I was just flooding the whole Earth killing everything”. Mrs God shouts out “You did WHAT!?!”. God replies “Don’t worry hunny. I had this guy build a big boat and he’s saving all those precious animals you like so much”.
Mrs God gives God the sideways glare many of us married men have come to know. God glares back and says “But hunny, I’m only doing it because I love them”.
